Category: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender

What’s in a label?
Centuries of being persecuted, murdered, rejected and cancelled out and only a mere 40 years since the decriminalisation of male homosexuality in Scotland (1981), identity politics has put the she/her debate firmly centre stage and given way to a plethora of equality laws, but there are plenty who remember the bad old days when to be called queer was an insult of the highest order, worse even than the many pejorative terms used to describe black or disabled people. Not that there should be a hierarchy, but there is of course.
Today, many embrace our inner queer and feel no shame but the collective memory exists and thus heal we must.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender /

L-E-S-B-I-A-N (Not a Dirty Word)

Say it, it won’t hurt you, and if you repeat it often enough, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, you might just become one. Kidding. It’s not contagious.

Unless…

Still kidding.

Like many lesbians, my relationship to the word lesbian, is ambiguous, context-dependent, and in almost every instance, carefully considered before using it. As if women need any more reason to analyse and self-censor. Thank you, patriarchy, additional mental load is just what women need.

As a woman attracted to other women (not all women, relax will you?!), it is a strange paradox that we need the word to describe ourselves yet also feel ashamed, embarrassed or awkward about its use. Could there be any greater headf£ck than this when it comes to finding and building the loving relationships we seek. Pfft, the love that dare not speak its name.

When I was in my teens lesbian or its derivatives lez, lezzer, lemon, were used to insult and hurt any young girl who didn’t conform to society’s order of the day. Newsflash, that meant being pretty according to the male gaze, being a compliant good girl yet being available for boys, and not doing anything that might set you apart from your peers, much like things are today really, only with crimped hair.

In my twenties, I’d boldly proclaim “I’m gay” which was really an act of subservience to the patriarchy. Being gay still aligned me with men, but if I could rely on some gay men’s protection perhaps that was better than none at all (because you do know that neither of us is “the man” in a lesbian relationship, right?). Only when I was in what I considered to be lesbian-friendly territory would I open with “I’m a lesbian”.

I’d like to say that this has changed over time, and while it is true that in some ways it has, even today I find myself going through the mental gymnastics of working out if I have the energy for the declaration or not. Oftentimes, I can’t be bothered, but it bugs me enough that I thought to sit down and write about it. To get it out of my system, to say what I really think or feel about it. L-E-S-B-I-A-N, or, leasbach anns a ghàidhlig, not a word uttered in any Western Isles church I’ve ever head of, ach co-dhiù, where was I?

It seems like the times we are living in do require a certain reclamation of words, descriptions, places and spaces that once were more than clear. In my thirties, I rode the rollercoaster of same-sex and queer jargon designed to make us all feel equal and less stigmatised. Girrl, was I wrong about that! Laudable initial aim to make us all feel included but look where we’ve ended up?!

I kind of liked it back when people could disagree about their opinions, but the growth of the EDI industry, following the introduction of the Equality Act 2010, and the subsequent commercialisation of that once comforting, now infuriating, so-ubiquitous-it’s-almost-meaningless, rainbow flag has got me thinking that we need another turn of the revolutionary wheel and it won’t be found in the dilution of our words or language.

So now that I’m in my forties, here is my best effort at embracing the word L-E-S-B-I-A-N without giving any more air time to the numpties who’d like us to pretend we’re all equal people.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been attracted to girls and women. To my mind, why wouldn’t I be? We are gloriously complex and emotional beings with a huge capacity for love, growth, overcoming challenges, and expressing ourselves in a world that would rather endorse our exploitation than end it. Whether you do an unfair share of domestic labour to further someone else’s career or lifestyle, or you’ve been at the extreme end of male violence, the patriarchal values and systems that perpetuate our suppression have no interest in making us feel comfortable about being exclusively attracted to other women. It is much, much easier for them to make us feel ashamed about being a lesbian.

So how do we counter such a negative and hostile backdrop?

  • We write, we print t-shirts, we organise – see Get the L Out https://www.gettheloutuk.com/index.html
  • We piss into the Highland wind of the internet in the hopes that someone reading this might stop and think, or better still, engage and learn. http://www.thehighlandfeminist.com or for the far better established https://afterellen.com/
  • We take inspiration from the delightfully bold Lesbian Project https://www.thelesbianprojectpod.com/.
  • We seek comfort in seeing Hollywood representations of ourselves on the screen, thanks Ilene, while ironically hitting refresh on our online dating apps more times than we’ve said the word L-E-S-B-I-A-N out loud. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHThghz8crtS0yvCrM1FSEg
  • We believe in love, we love other women doing their thing, we try to catch the eye of a cute or interesting woman we’ve recently met, we support our lesbian friends and sisters through the ups and downs of life.
  • We support one another to come out, to stay out, to not give up on love, to believe that in this country of 57 million people, 5-8% of those are lesbian, gay or bisexual, which must surely mean that there is someone for everyone, no matter how awkwardly small our dating pool is! Surely Doc Stock has done the analysis here. If not, please could someone tag her… (see The Lesbian Project above)

I digress once more, because there is so much to talk about and precious few places to do so, but now that I’ve reached the end of this piece, how’d I do? Have I exercised lesbian enough yet or have I been unclear?

L-E-S-B-I-A-N, a seven letter word to describe women who are solely attracted to women in all our glorious technicolour.

I’d say try it, but this club is an exclusive one 😉

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender /

Gay Marriage is not the Issue

The hounding of Kate Forbes MSP over her past and more recent position statements on gay marriage, abortion, and having children out of wedlock is a sad, if predictable, indictment of our times.

     When I voted yes in 2014, it was because I’d carefully weighed up all the options and on balance, almost right at the last minute, I fell for the dream of self-determination.  Not because I didn’t like Englanders, or because I hate the Tories, I was simply persuaded that my country could better govern its own affairs from Edinburgh, and while it wouldn’t have been an easy path, I believed that our thrawn and resilient nature as a people would see us through the rough times. We are, after all, nothing if not able to live on a shoestring, with our backs hunched perennially against the wind, and a penchant for being dour as a life choice. Or maybe that’s just tattie-growing Highlanders.

     In any case, almost a decade has passed since then and what has passed for political debate in Scotland in recent years has lost all of its expected argy-bargy and been replaced with a populist-seeking, self-serving political elite hellbent on pushing so-called reforms like the Gender Recognition Reform Bill through a parliament which seems to have lost all sense of its public duty. That Nicola Sturgeon pinned her colours to the queer mast, and then lost her position as First Minister, her credibility, and the previously buoyant weight of public opinion, goes only to show the limitations of divisive, nationalist politics, whose leader cannot handle conflict or the middle ground. Nor has this political culture created a bountiful breeding ground from which to draw the next leader whom you might believe can lead the country to independence.

     Paradoxically, I doubt sincerely that Scotland is ready for the return to a more socially conservative politics were Kate Forbes MSP to survive the public trashing she’s currently receiving, stoked not just by the mainstream media but by members of her own party, and most worryingly by senior party colleagues. I almost long for the command and control style of earlier SNP administrations, at least, the narrative was coherent, even if the people were stifled.

     In any case, while I am completely in favour of public scrutiny of our elected representatives’ opinions and voting records, I am not a fan of bashing the Christian now that she’s dared to put herself forward for the highest office in our land. Do you even know what strength of character that must take or the toll on her wellbeing?  But I digress, I’m almost certain Forbes will be asking herself if it’s worth it when she has at home a beautiful baby she could be staying home to look after. Ok, that’s a little harsh, women can have careers you know.

     But seriously, Forbes was a Christian the day before she announced her intention to stand as a candidate in the leadership race, and it’s hardly as if her role as Cabinet Secretary for Finance and the Economy was a bit-part. She is also a bright young woman, an accountant by profession, and has shown herself to be a capable politician in the chamber. So why is it that when she deigns to want to be First Minister that we see the ghouls emerge.  Where were they on the 19th Feb 2023 or any of the other days since 2020 when she’s served as Minister?

     The truth lies somewhere in the capture of the left by social justice warriors seeking to queer and dominate the left’s agenda. Scotland likes to pretend it’s among one of the most progressive countries in the world, but scratch beneath the surface of the state of our country and you’ll find enough regressive attitudes to have you thinking the furore about the World Cup in Qatar was overblown. The point is that those of us talking about politics in Scotland are often not those most badly affected by our real problems. Living in poverty, being abused by your partner, having no means of escape, bean-counting our way to cost effective additionality in public services ignores the fact that we need a radical new political landscape.  We need political leaders less interested in identity politics and exploiting fringe issues in order to appear progressive, and more leaders interested in understanding the issues, occupying the middle ground, and some adults who understand how to de-escalate conflict around sensitive issues.  

     To be clear, I disagree with Forbes’ views, but I will fiercely defend her right to hold them, and may even go so far as to suggest she might want to surround herself with better, more centrist advisors if she wants to advance her political career. I am a single, lesbian, mother who cares not one jot about how she voted on the issue of gay marriage. It’s done now, and no-one is proposing a roll back. But if we were to analyse that very issue on its merits, I think many would find that the very precept of gay marriage is historically based on fundamentally Christian views, and is based on the control and domination of a state’s people through the privileges conferred by the mere act of being married.  Convention and conformity are two sides of the same marriage coin, gay or heterosexual.

     Furthermore, marriage as an institution, has historically been associated with the control of women, making them the property of men, unable to own or hold our own property, enslaved to a life of domesticity, and while much has changed in the past 40 years or so, one need only speak to women over forty to find out, that the motherhood penalty, male violence, poverty, and incessant demands from a society who wants us to look good, and to put up and shut up, are as alive today as they’ve always been.

     So perhaps, Kate Forbes will reflect on her position in the days and weeks to come and think that temperance of her personal views won’t have cost her the leadership race. I certainly hope so, on both counts.  But until then, the issue isn’t really about gay marriage at all.  It’s about whether Scotland, its political leaders, and the progressive left really are as open minded as they like to think they are, or if, as it can often seem, tolerance and acceptance are only promoted when one adheres to the right kind of thinking as defined by many middle class men and women on the left.

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